Gospodi Pomiluj

So here I am...3 years and still sober. I spent the day yesterday doing much of what I've been doing. I went to my morning meeting. I hadn't made any special notice that it was my anniversary. I guess we are supposed to put our name on a calendar so they can pass a card around. I wasn't sure cause we have a member list as well that contains our sobriety dates. So I figured what happens will happen. And yes they need the calendar. But we do chips every day and they end with asking whether anyone has a yearly so I stood up then. And the woman who did the chips was the very same woman who encouraged me on the the day I received my 24 hour chip so it was special to me. The founder of the group scolded me for not letting anyone know...I didn't really do it on purpose but to be honest I was glad that What's Good About Today did not revolve around my anniversary because that is what would have happened and its embarrassing. After she scolded me, she came back and congratulated me too. I'm all for celebrations so maybe it was wrong not to let them make a big deal out of it...but I felt good.

I went to work and we are slow so I spent much of the day catching up on bloggerville in between phone calls and tasks. Writing my post and reading others. I went back and read my early days of sobriety and how I felt. If it had not been for this outlet and the ability to have these meetings between meetings where I could put ALL my focus on sobriety I'm not sure where I'd be. So maybe its wrong to spend work time on personal stuff but its what I needed to stay sober and become a worker among workers. It's a balancing act.

I spent the afternoon with my mother. She's an alcoholic who is permanently disabled with Korsakoff's syndrome. No chance of recovery but she doesn't drink. Instead her disease now manifests in hoarding and obsessive compulsive behavior. We try to manage it with medication and she is seemed good since adding an antidepressant. I was able to bring her to the facilities computer and share her grandchildren's facebook photos and the like. This was quality time that we have not spent in years. So it was encouraging.

And last night I spoke at a woman's meeting I attend so that was good. And then all the shares I tried to avoid at the morning meeting were spoken and it was special. These are the woman who are a part of my life and I love them. They are role models and they are compadres. As usual, afterwards I feel like I didn't say what I wanted but I guess I said what I needed. And I was spent. Went to a comedy show with my sponser and her friend. It was really bad and I had to make my exit.....that bad.

So what's new? I've lost 43 lbs since September. South Beach diet style. I don't like to say I'm on a diet but that I changed my diet. Sugar free, Low fat, whole grains..the way we are supposed to eat if we want to be healthy. I can only imagine what would happen if I actually exercised...I've been trying to get into a discipline of walking and it will come..I have a bad back so it hinders progress....but I know I'll get there. I enjoy interacting with my friends on Facebook...maybe why I haven't been here so much. I'm STILL writing my fourth step...with occasional lulls. I guess its just that since I went through the steps in that first year with my ass on fire..this time is more to help me increase my conscious contact..break down those ego driven barriers...and so my ego gets in the way sometimes as does that 5 syllable word for sloth..procrastination. But I need to do it..I paused the ninth step so I could do this.....and I know that is the step that will set me free....I'm still married to the same man..still have the same job (though I so want to change that [the job not the marriage]..but my Sponser says wait...I'm not sure that I will). I sponser 2 women...one is on her fourth step and not rushing..and the other is anxious to get there. I still put my hand out whenever I can and I've learned that NOTHING is up to me. Still practicing Centering Prayer as my primary source of meditation though like everything my discipline experiences lulls.

I had an wonderful opportunity to meet Irish Friend of Bill and johno in May as my family went abroad to visit my daughter in Germany. I felt like I was encountering celebrities and it was wonderful as these two women were the very first to find me in blogland and encourage me and guide me to and through AA. It was a trip of a lifetime for us and we had the best of times and the worst of times..."European Vacation" style.
I learned on this trip that I have an unshakable foundation as described in the 12 x 12. I wasn't able to get to meetings that i had lined up between logistics and timing but I stayed sober and felt great. Did get to a meditation meeting in London though and it was great. Would have loved to check out the meetings in Germany and Czech Republic but maybe next time. I'd love to get to San Antonio but this trip took a lot of finances from us even with the tax refund that funded most of it...so I'll have to wait till the next one.

Have a great day......its good to be writing again.

ps: the sign is from around Windsor Castle.....took all I had not to steal it:) xo