I've been home wrapped up in some sort of virus..called in Friday....to work...to the meeting..felt better yesterday but not good enough to really do anything but I feel like I'm back this morning..yay!
Had a drunk dream last night. Can't really remember it but it left me with a scared feeling. Not sure if it is related to one of my friends in my online group relapsing or the fact that I haven't been to a meeting since Thursday night or maybe because I feel like I have my finger in the dam of the impending Christmas frenzy. Or what used to be frenzy.
I'm trying not to get caught up in it all. In fact this Christmas I feel so different. Last year it was all about staying sober...this year its just different and I don't feel like shopping or decorating or all that stuff. I'm doing it and I'm feeling neglectful when I'm not. And I have no doubt I'll put it together for my family and tradition but this year I feel "holy" and I don't mean that in a "than thou" sort of way. I think that for the very first time I know and that just makes it all different somehow..and I'd rather do church and concerts than malls and presents. I don't want to be rushed to get things done..I want to be quiet and listen.
Maybe I've just had too much time to think the last 2 days...plus its lost time in the countdown and like I said I've got my finger in the dam..fending off......hurry hurry, get the stuff down from the attic...put it all up...get the list done...check it twice....wrap, bake, party, enjoy, give, receive, send, write, and on and on...and I just want to be quiet.
But I've been quiet for 2 days though more in a sleep it off (the virus, silly) sort of way not in the way I'd like...so I will spend today playing catch up hopefully enough so that I can be quiet.
4 comments:
you know, this will be my 3rd sober christmas. yet, it will be the first christmas on my terms. i feel like you. i don't want the list of things to buy, things to make, people to invite, run myself silly. that's not what christmas is about. this year i want my family for christmas. and whichever way that turns out, it's going to be good, 'cause there will be nothing false, nothing done out of duty, everything done out of love!
KL, I have a friend in the program who is 20 years sober and he had a drunk dream last month. This is entirely normal. Don't over think it. It is as it is supposed to be.
As for the holidays, "we cease fighting anyone or anything." If you are really feeling holy, perhaps a short prayer from St. Nick might help: "Lord, Let me never be so afraid of want, that I refuse to give out of that fear." (Or something like that) I have it posted in December, 2006. Anyway, relax, take it easy, and get to a meeting. Nothing so insures immunity as working with another. It works if you work it. Ok, now I am done with cliches'. Hugs and sweeter dreams!
I agree with both you and Shadow: Christmas is not about the things we feel we "should" do. It's about love and spirituality. Enjoy your quiet, church and concerts. It is what Christmas is about, not the marketing and merchandising.
I just keep plugging away at a little bit of Christmas stuff each day but mostly I just enjoy the time of year, the lights, the happiness of it all.
Post a Comment