I'm Still Here:)

I haven't been around basically because I unfortunately slipped down my staircase this weekend and bruised my tailbone so it was very painful to sit at my computer for any length particularly since I must at work. Hopefully I will be able to catch up with y'all through the weekend. I am fine and getting better as long as I remember my advil and use my heating pad. The good news is that the fall was not caused by the fact that I was drunk. I just simply slipped. I don't have carpet on my stairs so no padding. My charming husband said that perhaps we would have to move to single floor living as I must be getting too old to handle stairs. Give that man a kick in the arse for me will you? I can't quite lift my leg:)

Speaking of stairs, I did my fifth step yesterday with my sponser and I can testify to those of you who are struggling or new that the answer is in the steps. How and when you do them is individual or should I say, a collaboration between you, your sponser and God and of course what is outlined in the Big Book, but the point is, if you want to not only get sober, but stay sober and live a sober life, you must take the steps. And what you hear and what you read about them is true. I was able to have a deeper connection with my Higher Power when I took that hour once my sponser and I were through. I was exhausted but clear. And this morning and even last night, dare I say I felt happy? I've tried to be positive throughout my 8 months because I believe in the power of postive thinking but I don't think that happy was a part of the equation. I think it is possible now. I just feel very blessed. So I know I still have a long way to go but I like where I am today. Last night I went to a step meeting and they were on the fourth step. Having just done my fifth I read it with new meaning and clarity. It felt as though I had written it. I had read it before several times in different groups and it kind of filled me with anxiety....and I'm not sure I understood it. Last night not only understood it, I felt it.

I also had an experience with 12 stepping this week, though I didn't really know it at the time. She is a sick and suffering alcoholic who has been coming to meetings as long as I have but the most she has been able to string together is 37 days. She has been getting progressively worse the last few weeks. We talk on the phone and while she believes she is powerless, her life is unmanageable and in a higher power, she does not believe that she (because she is oh so special) can be restored to sanity. The other morning she came to the meeting drunk as she has for the last few times. She had decided she needed detox. Then she got sick as in blew chunks. She had downed a part of a bottle of Nyquil so that she could pull herself together to make the meeting. I took her from the meeting while she did so and another woman came to join me in talking to her. Thank God. I did not understand that what we were doing was 12 stepping and she was upset that this other woman joined us but I was grateful and she explained that we do not 12 step alone. I had no clue that's what I was doing, I was just reaching out. I won't go into detail about our conversation but it was brutal and painful. She cannot see her way out right now and is very resentful of our "what's good about today" group because of the gratitude expressed there. She is stuck in the bitter morass of self pity. We prayed with her. She got hugs but she took off instead of allowing us to drive her home. I had to really let go. That's hard. I called my sponser because I of course was ready to go beyond what she needs or is ready for at this point so my sponser helped me to make my boundry. She did get home safely. But hopefully she gets herself into detox. She may end up in jail as well as she is on probation and blew a positive on her drug test. But she has continued to come to meetings so that's something. So thanks for listening and please add her to your prayers. She needs it as does her little boy.