I just can't seem to get to the blog these days. Maybe its the fourth step writing. Anyway, I thought I'd leave you with a pretty picture at least and let you know I'm fine...just focusing my efforts in a different direction for the time being.
Has it really been a week since I posted? I've had to make some adjustments in my schedule just to maintain my sanity...skipping a few morning meetings, less blogtime, etc. I'm sane but I miss my blogging so I'm here. I won't try to sum up a week in one post but there was a lot going on. The mood switched that very evening Thank God. All it took was doing something for someone else. Imagine that! I checked out a cottage for a friend who lives in Hawaii. She's comiing back in April and is looking for a place to stay. Snowbirds we call them. Then I did a committment at a sober house. Between doing service and a favor the bad feelings disappeared. Funny how that works. Just as the full moon and stepping foot onto a property full of women caused my period to appear that I haven't seen since December 1st. Think that had anything to do with things?
I went to Wilson House (the birthplace of Bill W.) this weekend for a seminar on Sermon on the Mount. What a cool place nestled into the hills of Vermont. It's a Inn and they have a meeting room in the back and served meals family style. And you did feel as though you were a member of the family. Very comfortable, with cool memorabilia around. Went to the gravesite as well which is up the road apiece. I got very overwhelmed with emotion there. Just the bigness of it all. People leave things at Bill W.'s grave, particularly medallions and the tradition is that you can take on if you leave one. My friend has her 4th coming up next month so she left her 3rd and took the fourth. I"m holding it for her. Another person there took her third so that she could tell the person she was giving it to that she had met the person. We are all connected.
We stayed in a cottage at the motel across the street. 7 women in a cabin meant for no more that 4. Need I say more?
I think I must be burning the candle at both ends because little things are beginning to bother me, things that I can normally roll with or that I don't usually even care about suddenly are affecting my mood.
Physically, my whole body is achy..my boobs are killing me...and I have a headache.
Noone bothered to buy coffee at the morning meeting for yesterday. Leaving it to me. Like they always seem to do. I really do not wish to be the go to person so I'm just not going this morning..(yes, I bought the coffee).
I'm just tired of people who cannot be bothered to say Good Morning back to someone. Go sit it the effing corner with your chair turned to the wall. I don't give a sh*t if you're not a people person or even if you don't like me personally..common courtesy would be nice though. And put the effing blackberry away during the meeting or again, go sit in the corner. And by the way, there is something to be said for the spirit of rotation...if you've been doing a job for more than a year...isn't it time to share the position? And if not, then do the effing job and if there is no coffee after your shift..go get some!
We have 2 alarm clocks in our bedroom. My husband only bothered to change one...the one he uses. I didn't even look at the clock assuming he had changed both when he called downstairs for the time. Thus I woke up late yesterday..throwing my whole day off. I know my alarm clock is my responsibility but really, if you were changing a clock in a room and there were 2, would you deliberately change only one? Just pretty much epitomizes our relationship.
As I sit here typing out my gripes, I find it ironic that one of them is when you are in a group of particularly alcoholics some people like to play top this...my problems are oh so much worse than yours. How about we all just keep our problems to ourselves??
Angry, lonely gay women should not make judgements on a heterosexual's long term marriage or husband. And for that matter, keep the sexual comments, catcalling of other women to yourself when you are with a group of heterosexual women. It's offensive. I wouldn't tolerate it from a man..why am I tolerating it from you.
I am not going to be the organizer of a group of women again...I don't mind doing things in or as a group but the organizer...not gonna happen. It's like herding cats.
My boss doesn't come in until around 10:00 or 10:30, leaves again at noon or earlier...is gone until 1:45 (fifteen minutes before I leave) and then talks about how busy he is...and wants to do an entire day's work in the 15 minutes before I leave. If you want to get work done while your employee is in the office then be in the office when your employee is there. That said, it is soooo much better when he is not.
It's friggin' cold and snowing. I'm sick of cold and snow. And I don't like daylight savings time. I like a bright morning and I don't mind if it gets dark at 6pm....
Or maybe its just that I haven't smoked in a week.
Wow...it's been awhile. I am doing a lot of writing lateley but not here. My therapist is a big believer in letters. So I've been writing those. To my husband, to cigarettes, to Terry,...and I'm sure there will be more. And then of course there is my fourth step..I've begun to write the resentments but this Big Book Step Study is pretty particular. I mean like, you've got to use a 5 subject notebook and black pen particular. And then, each page of my writing has to look like the example in the Big Book. So how I'm going to do that I don't know..I have more than a page worth for some people and it sounds like they want me to break it up so that I have 3 people per page. I've got to clarify that one. This stuff probably makes people balk. I don't really care. It's getting me to write a bit more. So that's good.
My computer is down..and of course nothing is backed up. I am using my husband's work laptop right now. Not sure I should be on blogger but it didn't block me. But I haven't wanted to abuse the privilege.
This is my last weekend home for the month. Next weekend a group of us go to the Wilson House in Vermont for a workshop on Sermon on the Mount. The following weekend my son is in a soccer tournament in western MA so we will go there. And the last weekend I take a retreat with Thomas Keating on Centering Prayer. So today I will try to get a month's worth of work done or at least set up.
My daughter is leaving today for an alternative Spring Break in Horse Cave, Kentucky. She just realized there are spiders in caves and is now completely freaked out.
My son has gotten into 6 of the 7 schools he applied to..and we're still waiting to hear from the seventh. Now its decision time which means visiting the schools and praying for money.
I shared the movie ONE with one of my book groups. It was not a good venue. Too much talking and not enough listening. They all think they are already very enlightened. One woman started asking what time it was and how long the movie was about 10 minutes in. It's okay. Doing it again with my other book group..I'll be better prepared this time.
Watched part of the movie Religulous last night before my cable box zapped. Personally, I think Bill Maher's questions are legitimate and in the movie he is often the only one making sense. The problem with Bill Maher and the movie is that he's not asking the questions to the right people. But then again for his movie and his premise he is. He asks them to people who will give him provocative answers and answers that confirm the igulous point he is trying to make. Let's see him go to Thomas Keating, Thich Nhat Hahn, Richard Rohr, etc. with these questions. The interviews he had with I think it was Father Coyle and another Vatican priest were right on. Watching that back to back with ONE was intersting.
Looking forward to a warm spring like weekend wathcing the snow melt. Spring forward tonight..yay! I like the hibernation aspect of winter..but it seems like around this time every year..it can't come soon enough.
"But the first salt wind from the east, the first sight of the lighthouse set boldly on its outer rock, the flash of a gull, the waiting procession of seaward-bound firs on an island, made me feel solid and definate again..."
-Sarah Orne Jewitt
From the Bondage of Self Going Sober: June 11, 2007
To live a spiritual life we must first find the courage to enter into the desert of loneliness and to change it by gentle and persistent efforts into a garden of solitude. --Henri J. M. Nouwen
So Far Away by Stain'd
And So It Continues....
"There were in her at the moment two beings, one drawing deep breaths of freedom and exhilaration, the other gasping for air in a little black prison-house of fears. But gradually the captive's gasps grew fainter, or the other paid less heed to them; the horizon expanded, the air grew stronger, and the free spirit quivered for flight." Edith Wharton